


How did Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans get their flavor?

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-18
Updated: 2006-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-01 07:05:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10183607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: How did Bertie figure out to do all flavors for his beans?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Title: How did Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans get their flavor?  
Author: Beth Brownell.  
Feedback: Reviews are liked a lot.  
Archive: Archive is okay, if you ask me first.  
Rating: G.  
Pairing(s): None!  
Main Character(s): Bertie Botts. Sorry, no Snape or any other HP characters other than a brief cameo of Ron and Harry.  
Summary: How did Bertie figure out to do all flavors for his beans?  
Notes: I have been wondering how they did this for a few hours.  
Disclaimer: I'm borrowing the characters for a short time. No harm will come to them.

**How did Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans get their flavor?**

Harry spat a bean onto his hand and wrapped the bean up in a tissue. He turned to see his best friend, Ron, throwing a handful of the beans into his mouth. "Ron, how did Bertie create these beans?"  
With a mouth full of the flavor beans, he said, "Dunno, Harry. I think he was a candy maker for several years before he did the beans."  
Harry put his bag away and wondered how the beans got that way. The mental images were not pleasant as he shook his head. "I think I'll go to bed now. Night Ron,"  
"'ight 'arry." Ron said around chewing the beans that were in his mouth. He suddenly raced for the window and spat. "Ugh, I got all dirty sock ones!"  
Harry just snorted as he looked at Ron. "I expect George or Fred did that."  
"Yeah, well I better go to bed too. Night Harry," said Ron as he waved his wand at the candles that were in their room and they went out.  
~~~~~~~~  
Several decades ago in 1935, way before Ron and Harry had those beans together, a young man was working on some candy when his best friend walked into his store.  
"Bertie, how are you?" asked the friend as he walked over to Bertie, who was working on some jelly beans.  
"Good, just working on some ideas on some different candies. Not sure if the beans will be a hit," Bertie said, motioning towards a small pile of different colored beans.  
"What flavor are they?" his friend asked curiously as he picked one of the beans up.  
"Um...so far I got peppermint, vanilla and chocolate," Bertie said.  
His friend looked at him as he popped the bean into his mouth. "This is a chocolate bean. I like it. I think you could get more people out there to try them if there were other flavors, Bertie. I better get going. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye,"  
With that, his friend Apparated from his store and left Bertie to think about what he'd said. Bertie immediately closed his candy shop up and started to work on the new beans. He thought for several hours about his customers. Most of them were kids and he didn't think they would mind tasting disgusting stuff as he'd done the same when he was younger. But he didn't go directly to the disgusting stuff. He wanted other normal flavors too; like coconut, marmalade and strawberry.  
He looked at the flavors he now had and knew he needed more flavors. He decided to use spinach, curry, butter toast, sprouts, coffee, baked bean, tripe and liver. Even after all that, he still thought he needed more flavors as he usually had nineteen flavors of everything in his store. Except for the chocolate. That had only had three flavors and colors; dark which was the semi-sweet chocolate, milk which was the sweet one and white, buttery tasting chocolate.  
He sat down on a stool in his house. He was stumped on what other flavors to use. Then he recalled that there was this one kid in his store who ate grass and dirt. Bertie knew that those two flavor beans might be a good idea so he rushed outside and took some grass, along with some dirt. He rubbed his ear as he thought about another bean. He accidentally stuck the finger he'd rubbed against his ear into his mouth and tasted ear wax on his finger. He knew right then and there which bean would be the most disgusting bean of all - ear wax bean. He worked for several hours perfecting the new tasting beans. He remembered how much he loved to eat those little fishes called sardines. He rushed into his pantry and brought a can of them out. He opened one can and waved his wand over one of the beans and within a matter of moments; he created a bean with the taste he loved. He knew the kids would find it disgusting and they'd love it. After several hours, he finally got sick from tasting all the different flavored beans and threw up in the sink. He took the smell of the vomit and created a nasty tasting bean out of it. He had around nineteen beans that he'd created during the night. He brought them over to his store and put them on the counter.  
About an hour later, his best friend arrived at his store and saw the beans. He figured that they were still the same beans that he'd had the day before. He took one that was a light brownish color. He could not believe the taste in his mouth. He rushed over to the trash can and spat it out. "That was disgusting! What was that?"  
"That probably was either the vomit, ear wax or the sardine bean. I now have all different kinds of flavors in the beans. From the normal like chocolate and vanilla to boogie and vomit flavored," said Bertie as he smiled towards him.  
"Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. They will not sell, my friend. You wasted a lot of beans on that." he said as he walked out of the store.  
Bertie shrugged and went about his day. When the school kids came to get their ice cream or chocolate bars, the kids saw the beans, tried some and they loved it. They ask for several bags of the beans to take to school. He poured the beans into boxes which were a pink and red striped box with a clear panel in front. They went racing out of the store after giving him five knuts for the beans..  
Three days later, Bertie's friend returned to the store to see all the tables taken with red and pink striped boxes on them with kids tasting the beans. He could hear "Eww!" "Gross!" "Yum!" through out the entire store. He went to the counter and looked at Bertie. "Looks like I was wrong about you not selling those flavor beans, Bertie. By how the kids are acting, they love them."  
"They sure do. They come in every morning to get a bag and by this time, they're back for more. I've even got some adults who tried them and they love it. This is a big hit. Bigger than some of my other candies," Bertie said, looking at the kids who were taking only part of a bean into their mouths before they realized that they had a safe bean and popped the rest of the bean into their mouth.  
"Bertie, you know I work on the Hogwarts Express. Maybe I can get the beans on the food cart so the kids can have it on their way to Hogwarts?" asked his friend.  
"That would be great! I would love it if they could have it on the train. Ask them about it," Bertie said as he shoved three bags of Every Flavor Beans into his hands.  
"I'll let you know how it goes, Bertie." said his friend as he left the store.  
It was no more than an hour after he left when he returned with a young witch by his side. "Bertie Botts, this is the food cart witch and she loves the beans. I'll let you two talk about this. I've got to go to Honeydukes and get the beans in their store now." Bertie's friend said as he left the store once again after asking some of the kids how they liked the beans; most of the kids loved tasting the weird flavors but it was adventurous for them to see if they got the ear wax or the vomit bean.  
Another hour later, the owners of Honeydukes were there talking about getting Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans in their store.  
Soon, everyone knew the name and a big following developed. Years later, other flavored beans came out along with the same ones that started it all. Everyone had a love - hate relationship with the beans. It was you either loved them or you hated them.

**This story is now done.**


End file.
